It is so easy to get derailed from our manifestations. One of the sources of these consuming distractions is grief and loss. When tragedy strikes, it is nearly impossible to think in a positive state of mind and feel joy at the moment.
I recently lost my beloved dog, Chewy who was with me for 17 years. At first, this grief was very consuming and powerful. However, I have detailed the following in how I have moved through these difficult feelings and found joy and peace on the other side.
How I define grief
Grief is simply a judgment that you are not connected to a portion of yourself.
Grief is not usually about the person or animal that has passed away, but more to do with those of us who have been left behind. What I mean by this is that we all have a wish to expand and understand what lies beyond the termination of this reality. When we grieve, we accept that this individual has gone beyond us, and we have a belief that we can no longer maintain that relationship.
This is why when a relationship ends, we feel a similar loss as if they had died. We feel left behind or bereft because it is the same energy from the same belief.
Over time, grief diminishes because we understand that we remain connected to our loved ones. When we realize there is never loss only change because nothing really has been lost in our definition.
Louise Hay gave a broader perspective of emotional struggle, and the problems we experience in navigating through these emotions originate from the fact that humanity has never been taught the power of “emotion on mind.”
All truth is within!
We tend to lose track of this as a society and go outwards for answers, relying on others to meet our emotional needs while never feeling into ourselves. Going inward is the only place where these big realizations occur.
Instead of going within ourselves, we are forced to learn to navigate this plane of existence with our eyes closed, our senses dulled, our hands tied behind our backs dragging rocks that weigh us down to fulfill other’s agendas of what this reality should be.
All we have to do is stop and access the guidance within ourselves. We are all being guided by our divine connection, spirit, higher being, God, whatever name you want to interject here is up to you. The main point is that we only experience disconnection when we are not listening to our inner selves.
Grief makes us feel like we are grieving the loss of a pet or a loved one, but really these emotions are here to tell us that we are experiencing thoughts that are so far away from our inner being, our truth. This disconnection is a choice.
Do not resist the pain
It is imperative when dealing with any kind of strong feelings and emotions to not resist and simply allow the experience of what is happening to surface. For me, this came in waves. One moment I was totally fine and the next I had to hold onto the table, chair, or whatever was available because I was convinced my grief would overtake my entire soul. Just know that eventually, the waves get further and further apart, lessening in force each time.
Instead of pushing the pain down or flicking it away, welcome it! This is an opportunity to grow and the faster we allow and feel, the quicker we will move through the sorrow.
No one ever dies
After saying goodbye to Chewy, I couldn’t help but notice that the world looked so dull and muted. It was hard to think positively or see a way out of these intense emotions. I would simply stumble across an old dish or toy of his and fall apart into a pool of tears and pain.
The reason I was experiencing these emotions was that I kept trying to see him the way he was instead of letting it be a new way that he now exists. I had to stop looking for him in his little cat bed and start feeling him within me. I can understand if this sounds like a lot to take in. But I promise, that at that moment when I chose to do accept him as a part of me, the sadness lifted.
No one ever dies. Animals, plants, people, none of us ever dies. We merely change.
What happens when we die?
I understand there are many beliefs and understandings of what happens after we die. Here is my take extrapolated from several teachers whom I have followed and where their teachings align.
We never go anywhere.
We can’t prevent someone that has passed from being here with us now. Because they never left. Refusing to see them after they have changed is actually the source of pain when we grieve. We prevent ourselves from realizing they are here with us now.
This is the objection we throw into the reality that blocks us from every single thing we desire. When we feel negative emotions, we summon the things that we want to block. Which is why it doesn’t feel good.
How this translates to grief is we decide that the person or animal is dead, so we have decided to block letting them in. This is so very painful because this is our own disallowance of their existence. This is probably why death feels so powerful within us and our societies.
How to accept change completely
Managing life and society’s way that has been programmed into us is never an easy task, especially when our emotions are manipulated by circumstances we feel have shattered our known world. However, the sooner I accept the belief that Chewy is still here with me and has never actually left, the easier it is to accept his change.
Months or years later when we experience the grief again. We walk a trail that reminds us of them, and the trigger often pulls us back into the grief again. Oftentimes, when this occurs, it is our loved one trying to reconnect with us again. Reminding us that they haven’t left and hoping to connect and communicate. But if we remain in our old belief that they have left us, we will experience the energy of the connection as grief because we are continuing to hold onto the negative definition that something has been lost.
It is much better to look at this as a new chapter in the relationship with that person or animal. Very often, the timing of the people and pets going into spirit will be an invitation to stretch the consciousness of us who are still in physical reality. They are giving us the ability to expand our senses, and we can be more aware and accepting of the idea of spirit.
All in all, grieving can be a process of letting go, expanding, reaching out, and connecting on an entirely different level. I am now connected to Chewy in a way that is light and happy. I feel so much gratitude for our life together and that he is still continuing to show me the way.
Learn to make friends with grief and embrace the process. Because it doesn’t last long, and we have often changed ourselves when we come out the other side.