The past few days have really been crummy and I’m having trouble alerting my mindset. Sure, I was ghosted by someone that I cared about. This brought up plenty of emotions and unkind thoughts, most of them were a waste of time. I couldn’t help but think of possible reasons for why Farukh decided to drop me. I noticed on more than one occasion the need to practice self-love since I didn’t like the reasonings I was coming up with. We are always our own worst critic and I’ve learned when thinking about myself in a negative light this only leads to more self deprecation. So I’ve been getting outside and doing yoga. I’m already hooked on the 30 day yoga challenge with Adriene on Youtube. If you were ever thinking about getting into yoga, this is a great way to begin. I’m trying to get over the feeling inferior hump, so I’m hoping that after writing a bit today I will be able purge any negativity I have left, out of my consciousness forever! HA!
Thanks to Farukh, I have a new red flag to be aware of when I begin dating someone. I am absolutely not interested in spending time with someone that is addicted to their phone. It’s much bigger than a person just checking their likes on Instagram. Let me try and explain. Our phones have become our masks. As soon as we glance down at them, we completely tune out to what is happening in the present. It’s the most convenient way to hide oneself in plain sight. Why do we need to be protected? There can be 100 people in a room and if the average person doesn’t have someone to connect with, their default is to view something random on their phone phone that they’re not going to remember after five seconds. It’s like we’re given a free pass to not have to participate in society. However, it doesn’t take much for us to realize that we are the ones that are suffering exponentially. I used to be more active on social media so I get it. It feels good to get a “like” or someone laughs at a post, etc. I also get that it can be easy to be lazy and not get out of my comfort zone. Twenty years ago, we would have had to get up and go talk to one of those 100 people in the room just to pass the time. Imagine, before having an electronic mask at your disposal and your choices at a gathering are to just sit and watch people or assemble enough courage to talk to someone. Maybe you would come up with a clever starter on the spot! Yikes, it was hard. It sometimes would create rejection or odd looks. But the point is, we were practicing relating to one another. I don’t think it would surprise anyone to say social media makes us terrible at developing authentic connections. I believe we all know this. I’ve had this very conversation with people who were simultaneously browsing with their phones. Because, I say this with experience, something we definitely succeed at in our society is denial. At what point does this become a real problem? We all know this doesn’t make us happier in the long-term. Many of us know that society will probably have some serious long-lasting repercussions. Yet, we still don’t stop. Most people don’t even slow down. If you look through the generations of “unacceptable” behaviors in large doses you could say, people can watch too much television or drink heavily or play video games. These activities were/are easy to identify that they need parameters and can’t be indulged in 24/7. However our phones are showing the opposite to be true. Individuals aren’t putting limitations or restrictions, if anything we are sharing apps and showing one another posts as a way to interact. Again providing only these superficial conversations. We hold tightly to these because we’re afraid I think. Even though we know a puppy GIF isn’t going to make us “really” happy, we don’t know where else to turn to fill this void. So we’re okay with the false sense of happiness while in the meantime we struggle in our real lives to find our true joy. I can’t tell you how many people I talk to who don’t even know where to start on living a happy life. Because we’re already so bad at keeping these connections with each other. We show up to work to talk about the weather, the game, drinking, The Bachelor etc. We have no one to talk with about our fears, dreams, or what we strive to become. But when it comes down to it, humans are pretty easy to understand. The thing we all have in common is, we all want to be seen and heard and preferably understood. If not, then what’s the point of existence? Unfortunately, this is something our society is so out of practice on, that we don’t even realize it’s missing. Those of you that are currently working in an office/cubicle right now, could you imagine asking the next person that comes up to your desk, “What single event has had the biggest impact on your life?” They would probably look at you like you are taking crazy pills. What comes up for you just thinking about asking someone, who you spend almost half your life with everyday, this very question or one like it? Yes, it feels very edgy. But also, don’t you kinda want to know the answer? We are all incredible and unique beings that are all very special in that no one else shares our perspective. The most efficient thing we have to bridge the gap of understanding these individual perspectives is the spoken word. I look back on my life and I was far better at having these conversations with people when I was in college. In fact, some of the relationships I still have from these days have completely changed direction. Twenty years ago we would ask one another questions like, “What makes someone truly evil?” or “What keeps you up at night?” and my personal favorite, “What lies do you most often tell yourself?” We would stay up all night discussing these different themes and all the while, we were creating a stronger bond between us. Today the people are the same, but the conversations are much more superficial. You could say that’s because we are now living our life instead of just pontificating on how it could be. But this seems like an excuse. We don’t because we’re just bad at it. We haven’t practiced talking to others like this in a while or maybe ever.
I am certainly not the best at striking up deep conversations with complete strangers, but I’ve recently realized that I miss these types of exchanges. My friend Bernice commiserated this with me since we are both traveling. She challenged me to work on having more meaningful communication with others. Sort of like researching the best methods of conversing. Then we’re going to report back on our findings. It’s not until this very moment that I really took this seriously. I’m going to practice this! There’s only one way to get good at something or learning a new skill. Perhaps you should try this too? It’s going to be uncomfortable at first, but I promise you, we will all benefit from having deeper connections with one another.