Desires Being Granted

I have been having such a good time visiting London. Chewy and I went on our first double-decker bus ride and then got a bit lost in the Underground or “tube” is how people refer to the trains. The subway system is organized a little differently than other cities I have visited, but I quickly adapted. I’ve been staying at a local Airbnb in Brixton. The host is extremely accommodating and the penthouse produces the most extraordinary views of the city. I’ve also enjoyed many lengthy conversations with the hosts and other guests. Brixton itself is such a great area with lots of history. It wasn’t so long ago it was considered rough and dangerous, often compared to Harlem in NYC. Now (like current day Harlem) Brixton is more hip and modern with coffee shops and curry restaurants on nearly every corner. I feel safe here, even when I take Chewy on short walks late at night. Indeed there is a warm friendliness when passing people on the streets that is not present within the organized chaos of Central London. It does take a very long time to get anywhere in London. It is very spread out with over 600 square miles. This is twice as large as the land area of New York City even though the population is about the same. The bustling sidewalks are filled with impeccably dressed individuals walking very quickly to their destinations. Almost all of the men wear well-fitted suits and no one even manages a glance at one another. I can’t help but feel the city has a very tragic lack of connection. I watch people on the tube reading books about being single while sitting directly next to very young, attractive individuals. I know this isn’t how people often meet, by just randomly talking to a stranger, but I can’t help but wonder why. After all, as humans, we share the need for social interaction in some form or another. It is peculiar we are unable to do this with people in our remote vicinity. Needless to say, I am very much looking forward to getting back to the countryside. Chewy and I will leave London later today and drive to Southend-on-Sea which is about an hour and a half drive. Here I will look after two older Lhasa Apsos over the next couple of weeks.
While in London, I went on my first date in over two and a half years! Chewy unexpectedly ended up crashing this date due to the reorganizing of rooms in the penthouse. Fortunately, Marcin was very understanding and even welcoming of Chewy’s unavoidable presence. We spent a couple of hours walking under the many irconic bridges and then enjoyed tea and food among the fantastically old buildings in the area. Overall, it was a very enjoyable way to both get a feel of London and also my new acquaintance. Marcin and I do have several commonalities including the desire to connect authentically with others and actively practicing the law of attraction. I find it amusing that after a lifetime of mentally structuring and wistfully daydreaming about my ideal match, these two categories are currently the most important. I’m not sure when we will see one another again, but hopefully it won’t be too far down the road. It seems a little crazy to be dating while moving around so frequently. Especially, since I am moving at a snails pace in the romance area and strictly looking for a solid friendship first. However, I recently became aware, via my friend Bernice, that although I was proudly stating I was keeping myself open to a relationship, deep down, I really wasn’t. I had this fear that I would resort to my past relationship limitations. Previously I would hastily jump into a long-term commitment while not really knowing who the person was. I would conveniently fill in gaps with what I wanted versus what was standing before me. Also, I had a strong tendency to be too accommodating with men. I was more interested on desiring their affections and approval than considering my own needs and ideals. In a sense, I would lose myself and until now, I was greatly afraid of reliving these past patterns. Though I am very happy to say after my pleasant time with Marcin, I don’t think I am in danger of these happening again. Or at least it won’t be as insidious as before. I am much more aware and awake which in itself feels like an incredible achievement.
I am also caring much more about how I feel. If I wake up in the morning thinking about struggle and contrast, I just quietly pause, pray, take a deep breath and then meditate. I’m really finding meditation, even for just 15 minutes twice a day, is really quite the game changer for me. To think I was resisting it for so many years!! I remember when I was working full-time, I thought if I didn’t have a job then I would meditate and do yoga every single day. Of course, after I quit my job, I still struggled with getting into the habit. I think the only thing that helped me make this a priority was once I began finally seeing the benefits. I am again so grateful to be in a space that promotes such quick transitions. Already it doesn’t feel right if I don’t meditate when I first wake up and especially before going to sleep. It has made such a big impact in my life. Currently, I am in the process of manifesting more money. I’ve been saying the affirmations, “I have so much abundance to share today,” “It’s becoming easier and easier to attract wealth into my life” etc. Yesterday, after going through my morning ritual, I am on my way to my hair appointment in London. Three separate things happen to me that I didn’t really gain a full understanding of until today. First, I walk into a coffee shop to get a cookie. I am standing in line counting out my change and this guy next to me hands me a banana “have a banana.” I think wow, that looks good and begin to take it. Then he says, don’t worry I’ll pay for it. Then suddenly, I am not okay with it. I give it back telling him, I really want to have a cookie instead. I am immediately convinced I made the right decision as the chocolate chip cookie was very warm and gooey. But this certainly would have saved me money if I had just received the enticing gift I was offered. Why was he having to pay for it such a problem for me? Second, I was feeling delighted with my new haircut and decided to go get a snack at a local chain called Pizza Express. This was my first and hopefully only time visiting this restaurant as I was quite disappointed. I ordered calamari and it wasn’t good at all. But I was so hungry I just ate the very small portion immediately. The server comes by and asks how I’m doing. I told him I was disappointed in the appetizer and I wanted to order some bruschetta as well. He right away, offered to take the calamari off my bill. I told him it wasn’t necessary as it didn’t feel right since I had already eaten all of it. Of course, I am kicking myself today at turning down the extra $7 that was offered to me. Lastly, I come back to the penthouse and my host, Singe was very apologetic about having to move my room and the loo. The bathroom I am using is in disarray due to a faulty pipe. He asked me if I would like a refund of 20% which is around $100!! But again, I said no!! What the heck is wrong with me??? Is it pride? I feel like I don’t want to accept a handout? The total amount of money I turned down yesterday was precisely the amount I paid to get my hair cut/colored including tip. This can’t be a coincidence. This is a huge problem because now I’m worried when my large amount of money finally comes my way, I won’t actually be able to receive it. I guess I know what I need to work on next. Receiving 🙂

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